Buy my slogans!
I have found a way of making my millions. I have a problem with moles in my garden; they dig up my flower beds and leave hills in my lawn. I don’t like to kill the little creatures as all they are doing is what is natural to them and surely I can put up with a bit of inconvenience, it is not worth an animal’s life to stop that is it? But, I would like them to stop, so I want to deter them.
I have tried sonic devices that moles don’t like the sound of, I have tried scent related deterrents, but the following morning, there is another one or two mole hills in my lawn.
I have discovered a method of removing moles from my garden that is as effective as all the proprietary methods and is considerably cheaper. My method is to put posters around my garden with slogans saying “Moles keep out”, “Moles go home”, “This is a mole free garden”. Believe me when I tell you that this is as effective as anything you can buy, i.e. it is not effective at all – just like anything else you buy!! I am sure if I market this “solution” as well as all the other products I have spent a fortune on that haven’t worked, I could make millions.
Slogans are pointless, they do nothing to improve any situation. Around our office, the Account Manager had posters put up saying “Are you the key to the next release’s success” and “Do it right first time every time” and my all time hated poster “Are you at peace with your piece of the next release?” What on earth does anyone think these will do for the project?
I find it incredible that any reasonably intelligent human can think that a slogan on a poster will make a difference to another reasonably intelligent human being. It may work in a factory where the work is mind-blowingly boring and repetitive, I don’t know, but it will not work in a creative environment like an IT shop. I tackled the Project Director about these posters and he stated that they were intended to keep people focussed. Oh, that is alright then, so people would not be focussed if the posters were not there? Of course they would, all the posters have done is give some amusement and a lot of irritation, can’t you high-ups see that?
I tore down the two posters put into my area and put them in the recycling, see, I knew I would find a use for them! It is my job to motivate people and keep them focussed and I do not need posters to do it for me. I didn’t see any lack of focus afterwards.
By the way, if you want to see some posters that are the exact opposite, go to www.despair.com, they made me laugh.
Moles, however, are much less intelligent beings, they are sure to be affected by my posters and they will be deterred from my garden. Please email me with your order. I can accept cash, cheques and I am just about to set up a PayPal account. Only £2.00 per poster or 5 for £8.00 – you won’t regret it..
