Systems & Software Talk 

Are Rock, Paper, Scissors-based Decisions Obsolete?

Do computing industry personnel really use the Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS) method to make decisions project management, design, development, testing, or releases? Should they not be using the BFD method? Before you go there, "BFD" means Binary Finger Display.

There actually is a RPS Society. I think the computing industry needs a BFD Society.

I think the BFD game should be played by simply using one hand to flash fingers and/or the thumb. A finger or thumb not extended on the count of three means a zero. A finger or thumb extended on the count of three means a one.

The rules:

1. A 3rd party must prepare a finger/thumber order and value prior to the BFD event. This will be known as the values-envelope. Values are in BCD.
2. This must not be revealed to the contenders.
3. Contenders must flash on the count of three.
4. The count must be vocalized in binary (zero-zero-one,  zero-one-zero,  one-one-zero).
5. Ties are addressed by flashing again unless a contender has the word "Quality" or "Test" in their job title. In this case any ties go to the "Quality" or "Test" contender.
6. BFD shall not be used to determine where to place blame for production defects. Blame is automatically assigned to the PM and executives.
7. The middle finger cannot be used in isolation.

Cure for ATDD

Does your automation test suite suffer from Automated Test Deficit Disorder (ATDD)? Are your automated tests often ridiculed because they:

• Cannot complete a task?
• Are object-focus challenged?
• Are self-destructive and do not produce meaningful results?
• Feel as if they cannot get sufficient host-CPU attention?
• Stare at windows for extended periods of time?
• Are ever-fearful of going straight to blue-screen hell?
• Feel as if they are in a constant gooey mess of learning phase?

You are not alone and there is hope.

Retryalia ^tm and Recoveratin ^tm in combination may be right for treating ATDD symptoms in your automation test suite, providing you adaptability and recoverability benefits. Retryalia ^tm in 187 of 200 computerinical trials proved effective at countering the effects of object-focus-loss and windows-fixation, thus reducing the rate of incomplete tasks. Retryalia ^tm should not be used in treating automated tests directed at applications using __VIEWSTATES, as network death is certain.

Recoveratin ^tm in 196 of 200 computerinical trials proved effective at countering null or useless automation test results for an application-under-test (AUT) borne of hasty and otherwise sloppy and inflated ego-driven application design and development practices. Specifically in these situations Recoveratin ^tm proved effective at countering both blue-screen hell fears and gooey mess. Speak to your management and recommend organization-wide training before using Recoveratin ^tm in your automation test suite. Recoveratin ^tm in your automation test suite will auto-file defect reports and reject applications not thoroughly development- tested and prematurely thrown over the wall. In these situations Recoveratin will profile AUT source code and via email automatically broadcast profiling results, and - recommend source code changes to your entire organization. Also in these situations Recoveratin ^tm has been known to locate and publicize source code on how-not-to project-manage, how-not-to-design and how-not-to-develop application websites.

Recoveratin ^tm computerinical trials showed no added benefit for automated tests in organizations which promote sound project management and application design and development practices.  

What are the causes of ATDD or Automated Test Deficit Disorder?

ATDD in most cases is a mere but costly misguided perception leading to the belief that the automated tests are at fault and incorrect. ATDD is usually triggered by poor organizational practices. Those poor practices drive misconceptions of automated testing. Of the many delusions suffered by management, one will find silver-bullet perceptions, notions that it-is-just-record-and-playback, and any-monkey-can-do-it mindsets. ATDD is also caused by unskilled automation-tool implementers. In situations where ATDD is the result of deceptive and unskilled automators, Recoveratin will simply lock out the test-automator and to the test-automator, recommend a new job matching the would-be automator’s skills-of-deception, such as bonus-administrator at AIG.

In those very common situations where management delusions are bountiful and the AUT is clearly one which commands very low-levels of organizational pride, another benefit of Recoveratin ^tm is triggered. In those situations Recoveratin ^tm is known to change perceptions and counter delusions. Recoveratin ^tm will automatically administer Boostaplatformalis ^tm.  Boostaplatformalis ^tm is intended to enable, optimize and showcase deserving robust automation test suites and redirect the undue blame-driven scrutiny to the root cause – the AUT and the processes and practices (or lack thereof) which produced the application. With a periodic injection of Boostaplatformalis ^tm your automation test suite will perform effortlessly and not be the subject of undeserving scrutiny.

How does Boostaplatformalis ^tm work? Boostaplatformalis ^tm gathers intelligence about your entire organization and its network topology. Boostaplatformalis ^tm will use this intelligence to adapt itself and optimize its execution speed and programmatical correctness such that the AUT deficiencies and issues are always obvious.

What are some ways in which Boostaplatformalis ^tm works? Boostaplatformalis ^tm with its network topology intelligence, will automatically provision and order maximum bandwidth for itself – charging back to R&D. Boostaplatformalis ^tm will also order upgrades to network appliances and automatically create appropriate emails, service requests and work orders along the way. Boostaplatformalis ^tm will also order new automation test suite hosts to replace non-Mac hosts, or upgrades to existing hosts in the interest of eliminating automation test platform host security and performance issues, again charging back to R&D. If the new Mac automation test hosts have to be backordered, Boostaplatformalis ^tm will order Mac logos to serve as a placebo for the existing automation test platform hosts until Mac backorders can be filled.

 Let your automation test suite stand tall, proud, and erect.

 Order your Boostaplatformalis ^tm today!

(Mac is a product of Apple, Inc.)

The Collapse of JakeBrake Investments, Inc.?

JakeBrake Investments, Inc. (JBII) has been in business for 12 years. JBII has a proven track record grooved with sound business management practices. JBII co-founders have a proven bi-partisan relationship.  Co-founders JakeBrake and Mrs. JakeBrake realized long ago that a successful business such as JBII requires honesty, integrity, properly aimed ideals, solid work ethic, and - is devoid of greed. At JBII you will not find the co-founders:

• Sitting on their Fannie and making bad investments at the expense of others.
• Sporting capitalistic-excess-success smirks and doing the Freddie in celebration.
• Engaged in Partisan pettyship modeled after conflicts most often found on elementary school grounds during recess.
• Catering to voices backed by vast amounts of money while they forget their true purpose and who they actually represent.
• Sitting on their Fannie, watching the Indy 500 while eating a Big Mac – getting fat on false “nutrition”.
• In an expensive corporate aircraft fueled by excess and lofty egos.
• Sitting on leather chairs behind cherry-wood, marble-inlaid conference tables with catered Perrier (the non-anti-freeze mix).
• Risking all by driving down a street and running into a frenzied Wall.

You will not find Co-founders JakeBrake and Mrs. JakeBrake:

• Allowing their General self-sufficiency Motors to go without proper maintenance.
• Engaging in pity-me expressions containing, Chry, Slur, or other forms of expression used to dodge accountability.

JBII Co-founders JakeBrake and Mrs. JakeBrake cannot Uh Ford such behaviors.

JakeBrake and Mrs. JakeBrake will always maintain their modest, non-flaunting-of-excessive-capitalistic-success, low-frontage-cost, non-sky-reaching, non-marbled, non-glass-walled, non-lobby-pianist-equipped, non-executive-parking-stall-equipped corporate headquarters in the USA,  and - do their American-citizen tax-paying duties – on time with the full-amount owed.

Times have certainly changed. You will now find JBII on the brink of collapse as JBII co-founders JakeBrake and Mrs. JakeBrake scramble to aid in the rescue of large corporations who cannot repeat the success of two non-MBA-equipped, non-law-degree-equipped individuals.

Mrs. and Mr. JakeBrake are certainly not dancing the Freddie, nor are they taking American tax-payer $$ to fund research intended to understand the differences between the poop of the red and the poop of the gray squirrel; with an option for additional funding to determine how the poop of an albino squirrel contributes to global warming.